This is to you.
The one who I trusted with my secrets.
I don't trust many people to see them,
and you went and brought other people to look at the view.
Good Job. I get the point. I won't bother you any longer.

Sorry that these past entries have been very censored. I have to watch what i say from now on because I don't know who might be watching. I used to feel safe here, but now I no longer feel that way. It's not a matter of security, but of trust.

It's like this...how much are you supposed to trust one person? can you trust them with little stuff, big stuff, your life?
when a person betrays the little stuff, you can't possibly trust them with the big stuff...can you?

and what items deem worthy of needing trust?
when you share something with a loved one, and they share it, it hurts (even when it was not really that important).

I never said, don't share this, or please keep this between us, but i never thought that the person would bring THAT person into my life.

I can't say much, but its hard to deal with.

Maybe I am having a tisy for no reason. Maybe I am just jealous that you hold her more dear than me. Maybe I'm the one who is a schizophrenic psycho, yea...LOL (oh it's good that I can still find some humor in life, else we would both know that I could not handle it again, teehee).

----------------------

so in continuation, I am feeling inadequate lately. Not just in one aspect either, but everything.
SHE's better than me at keeping his attention,
SHE's better than me at art,
SHE's better than me in music,
HE's better than me in writing,
SHE's better than me at life...
THEY are better than me at being loved...

Why can't I just be happy with myself?
I want to matter to you as much as she does...

----------------------

i need to have a sit down with myself and reevaluate life...

I am starting to get worried too...people always say Loss of interest is depression, but i think thats only partly true, lots of times people can grow out of something, like Saturday morning tv,

but im starting to get worried because...im losing interest in everything,
like
i dont want to do the musicals,
i dont want to practice my clarinet/piano
i dont want to do track
i dont want to upload my new prose
i dont want to do anything anymore...

lately, my life has been revolving around one thing, or rather person...and its killing me and all that i love...

i need to take a break from life for awhile. just escape to a place where no one can reach me...and then come back...maybe